An Almost White Christmas and The End of Twenty Ten

The month of December for most is an exciting time of the year. Up until this year, it wasn't for me. I dreaded Christmas and hated everything about it. It's just too much pressure and I miss holidays the way they used to be when I was little and we spent them with my grandma and something just seemed magical about them. This year was a little different. I can't really put my finger on what exactly made it so, but I didn't completely dread the holidays this year. I actually got extremely excited about Christmas lights and decorated trees. Christmas music was slightly more tolerable. I even made a point of spending Christmas Eve at my dad's house rather than at home alone. It was a pretty nice Christmas too, spending the day relaxing and enjoying company. I must say though, it was made extremely better when it started snowing that night and we sort of had a White Christmas. We had one of the biggest snowfalls we've had in quite some time too, dumping around a foot of snow in our area, and leaving me snowed in for two days (so far). Not that I'm complaining, it's been a nice two days and I actually made my first snowman ever yesterday. (Is it sad that I'm 20 years old and never made a snowman before yesterday?)

So now, once all this snow melts at least, we get to prepare for the new year. It always kind of amazes me to see yet another year go by and think of how many I have seen so far. It doesn't seem possible that I have seen 20 years go by already. Granted, that probably makes anyone significantly older than me laugh or feel old, but still. It's just a little mind boggling.

But anyways, when people think of a new year, they generally try to come up with "New Year's Resolutions." The past few years I've blown that off with the mindset that I've made them before and never stuck with them, why make them now? I'm pushing that aside this year. I think in the past my problem has been making unrealistic or unachievable goals. Goals that I don't have to focus on daily or ones that aren't already important to me, so I just let it slide after a month. I will be making two goals this year. One of them will have to be followed through on a daily basis and one is just something that is extremely important to me.

Goal #1:

My first goal is the one that will have to be followed through on a daily basis. I'm not really sure what to call this, because I don't have a firm foundation for it yet, but it will be along the lines of being more healthy. I want to start eating better and working out more. I'm constantly exhausted, even with plenty of sleep, and I truly believe that it is because of my diet and lack of physical activity. I don't have it all set in stone yet with what my goals are, but I'm working on it. I thought about going vegetarian for a couple of months just to see if I could do it and how I feel, but I don't think I will. As much as I have said I would love to do it, it would inconvenience those around me during meal times. (I.E. Going to someone else's house at meal time and them having to prepare food with my limited vegetarian diet in mind) I don't want to do that to others, so I think I'll stick with something less radical. As for exercise, I have a free 3 month gym membership that I've used all of once. I need to get back on that!

Goal #2:

Start working on developing my own business. This is the thing that I'm already excited about. I've been slowly working on this for a few months now and gaining ideas, but I want to hit it as hard as I can in the coming up year. I have toyed with the idea of owning my own business for years but never really thought it possible or even really knew what I wanted to do. I couldn't seem to find my niche in the business world, but I have finally settled on something. I am going to open my own store. I want it to be kind of like a gift store with candles and soaps and jewelry and just little things like that. I'm going to start it off through an online store, but hopefully I will eventually run my own brick and mortar location. I already have a name in place, "B.B. Cole's Gift Boutique." (because when I was little, my uncle would ask me my name and I would try to say Brittany Nicole, but always said "BB Cole!" I thought it'd be cute for a store) I've already started researching some wholesale companies to buy from and found a couple I want to really look into. Now it's just a matter of money and time. I plan on putting as much as I can of both into this in 2011.

Those are my goals for the new year. Comment and tell me yours!

Playing Catch Up

So I really slacked on the 365 project...really really slacked. Whoops....Well at least I'm making an effort to catch up! So here's another picture!

This is Jackson, my nephew. This evening after dinner, I decided I wanted to go for a bike ride down the boardwalk and so I went out the back door to get a bike out of the shed. Well Jackson saw me go outside and decided to follow...when I picked him up to take him back in, he would not let go. He was determined not to let me go outside without him! I stood in the kitchen for a few minutes trying to put him down with my sister telling him to get down and him just clinging as hard as he could to me...I finally caved and asked if he wanted to go on a bike ride with me, which of course he got very excited about. So we went through about ten minutes of getting the bike out, attaching the stroller thing, and getting him ready while he is constantly saying "bike ride! bike ride!" We finally got going and it was a very nice bike ride down the boardwalk while the sun was setting.

Ok and now on a side note...Virginia Beach is going amazingly well. I tried imagining early today how I would feel if I had the opportunity to move back to NC and I definitely do not think I would take such an opportunity. I love it here and I'm finally happy with life.

And right now, I'm jamming out to some Jack Johnson. LoveLoveLove...his style of music is such that truly makes my soul happy.

So yeah, life is good. That's all :)

365 project, day 2.

365 Project Day 2: Starbucks.

It seems like whenever I spend time with my sister, I become addicted to Starbucks. That is a direct result of her being addicted to it and going everyday; so therefore, when I'm with her, I end up there as well. This morning on the way to work was no different.

My drink of choice (during summer when it's hot out) and pictured here is an iced white chocolate mocha. I like it because the coffee taste in it isn't overwhelming. Another good one, when you're looking for something hot is a caramel macchiato.

Look forward to posting another picture tomorrow! Goodnight internet!

365 project, day 1.

Ok, so I really want to try the 365 project. You know, the thing where you post a picture everyday for 365 days (a year!) We'll see how it goes because I'm liable to forget quite often, but here's my first picture!

This is my nephew, Jackson, fast asleep. He's a cutie, that's for sure. My sister and I picked him up from the babysitter today after work and then headed to Knotts Island to look at some possible office furniture and I ended up sitting in the car for a while so he could stay there and sleep.

Virginia Beach?!? Say Whattt??

It has been over a month since my last post! Oh my...that's simply unacceptable. Little update on my life since my last post, because...well things have changed quite a bit. The summer camp season ended last Friday and, as such, my job there did as well. That Friday I went straight to Currituck, packed up my room, and left Saturday night for Virginia Beach. That's right kids, I'm no longer a Currituck resident, I am now living in Virginia Beach...again. For those of you that were there with me last year when I attempted this move only to end up back in Currituck, this time it's the real deal. There's no sadness about leaving, there's no close family member dying (I pray that doesn't change), there's no uncertainty. I am loving it up here and I am determined, no matter what life throws at me, to make sure I do not end up back in good ol' Ctuck. I love it there and I will most definitely be visiting often, but it's not my home anymore. I need to get out and be somewhere where I can make a life for myself.

On that note, I'm not attending school this semester, more than likely not this year at all, and I'm not really sure when I will be going back. Right now I am working for my sister and Spirit Fingerz (check them out! http://www.spiritfingerz.com/). I am excited about this job and anxious to really get underway with it. I know a lot of people are going to be disappointed in my decision to put a hold on school, but honestly...school is the conventional way, true, but nothing about my life has EVER been conventional. I have to find a way to make a life for myself and a way in this world with what I have and right now school does not fit into that equation. It will eventually, do not think I've given up on it entirely, but for now getting my foot in the door is top priority.

Anyways, back to living in Virginia Beach. I am loving it. I am living with my sister, brother in law, niece, and nephew. I love them and living with them is definitely awesome. It hasn't even been a week yet and I already have funny stories of the kids. They are the cutest. We live walking distance from the oceanfront which I'm definitely taking advantage of. I went on a bike ride pretty much the whole length of the boardwalk yesterday, from 5th street to 4oth, and then back again. My legs were hurting something awful afterwards, but it was still fun.

And on one final note of this life update before I head to bed, I am officially dating my best friend. Not trying to get all gushy with this because, well if you're truly my friend, then you know that's so not my style but...let's just say it may have only been a little over a week now that we've been dating but it's going amazingly well and I'm extremely happy about it.

That is all for tonight because it is nearing 1am and I more than likely will have to get up early to head to the office with my sister to get some work done! So goodnight everyone :)

Weekend Adventures!

This past weekend at home has been absolutely fantastic so I thought I'd update my blog with a little summary of it! So Friday I left camp around 2:30 and made the drive home to get ready for Justin and Summer's wedding. I unfortunately missed the first half of the bachelorette party so I went straight to the church to hang out during the rehearsal. That was exciting because I got to see some of my best friends who I hadn't seen in at least a month, but annoying because everyone was stressed and tension was high. After the rehearsal was over, all the girls left for the second half of the bachelorette party. We went and had dinner at La Fogatas, which was on my list of the 3 places on the OBX I had to go to this weekend, and then we went to Gear Works, the laser tag place on the beach. Now, I've never been laser tagging before, so this was definitely an experience, but I loved it and I'm definitely going again sometime! We also took a break to go over to Dunkin Donuts which was nice too. We left around 10:30 and went home to catch some sleep.

Saturday morning me and Olivia had planned to either go to the beach or go out in the boat. Neither one of these happened because 1. The sound was too rough to take the boat out and 2. We were already going to the beach Sunday so instead we went down to the semi new TJ Maxx in Nags Head. All I have to say about that adventure is we spent way too much money in there. I then went back to my old house and got ready for the wedding with my brother and sister. The wedding was a lot of fun and I'm soooo happy for Justin and Summer! Congrats you guys! I unfortunately had to leave early to take my brother and sister to Moyock to go to my dad's house and then had to take Halie, my brother's girlfriend, home. I then went home and went to bed.

Sunday I got up and went to church. It was the first time in a while that I had been to my home church so it was nice being there and seeing everyone. Afterwards, me and Olivia jetted home to change into our bathing suits and then headed off for lunch at Five Guys. I must say, I really do not miss beach traffic at all. We were both starving and it took us forever to get there. Oh well, I'm just glad we eventually made it because that marked off my second thing on the list of places to go on the OBX. Five Guys is my recent food obsession, which is probably not good because that means consuming greasy burgers and fries, but they are amazing. But anyways, after eating there we went to the beach. It was crazy hot and the water was freezing, but we managed to force ourselves to stay for about two hours before we got sick of it and headed off to Ritas. There goes the 3rd and final place on my list to visit this weekend. After we ate there, we then ran over to Red Box and ended up renting four movies; The Bounty Hunter, I Hate Valentines Day, Remember Me, and The Blind Side. We ended up only watching the first two so we wasted our money on the last two but oh well. The Bounty Hunter was hilarious, I would recommend it to anyone...I Hate Valentines had potential, it was just predictable and insanely cheesy. Not to mention the acting was horrible and made a lot of the scenes awkward and forced. It still provided a good laugh just because it was so bad, so I actually would recommend seeing that one too if you're looking for something comedic.

And as for today, my last day of the weekend...this was my lazy day. I woke up realllyyyy late and so far haven't done very much. Me and my favorite doggy, Bridgette, had some quiet time in the living room for a little while....and I've done a little laundry and made lunch, but that's about it. Here soon I'm going to have to get up and get stuff ready to go back to camp though. I might make a run down to the beach and go see everyone in Harris Teeter as well, but I'm not sure yet.

Ok, that's the end of my weekend adventures. I'm even more excited for next weekend though! It's going to be a good one :)

No Stress, No Stress, No Stress

I'm updating again so soon! Yay! Maybe I'm learning to not neglect my blog...maybe. I'm also blogging from a blogger app I just put on my phone so we'll see how this goes. I'm so tired right now, but it'll officially be my birthday in about 45 minutes and my mom likes to try and wake me up at midnight to tell me happy birthday...so I'm just staying awake haha. This is going to be a fairly short post, but I wanted to give an update about my last post. I finally have some plans made for when summer comes to an end. I'm not going to be specific about what those plans are until I have a chance to personally tell a few of the people I'm closest to, but just know it's an awesome opportunity and I'm so excited to get it underway. Life is finally giving me a break in pretty much everyway, especially in those that I've been struggling with a good amount over the past two years. I think this is the first time in a very long time that I haven't been crazily stressed and just been truly happy. It's such a great feeling! but anyways...this is the end of my post, in about 30 minutes I will no longer be a teenager. whoa, crazy...

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Long overdue update

My blog has become a pure disappointment, I rarely have time to update it. I haven't made a single update since camp started and I've been here for well over a month now. Camp has been a little crazy, but fun. My day generally consists of getting up 20 minutes before I have to meet the kids either at the house or at breakfast, having breakfast, doing something with them until lunch time which is normally watching tv, their nap time after lunch, hang out until canteen, pool time after canteen, dinner, and then relaxing at their house until their bedtime/2nd canteen is done and then being off to either hang out with campers or go to bed. It varies a little each week as the camp schedule is always different and things like that, but that's the general idea of how I spend my day. I've met quite a few awesome people which is always good. The camp staff last week was an amazing group of people. Maybe it was because they were a small group and everyone knew everyone, but I loved hanging out with all of them and getting to know them, I wish they would all just come back and stay the whole summer. I've been spending my time off from Friday around 7pm-Sunday after church doing a few different things. I've spent a few weekends in va beach with my sister, a couple of weekends at home, and one Saturday night with a friend from high school. It's funny but I actually dread the weekends I have to go home. This time last summer, I had just moved back to Currituck and was so happy b.c I missed it so much. It made me think that it was just a place I'd have to stay in forever, but my life and heart are def in a different place than they were then. I've been away for almost a month and 1/2 and have only been home two weekends and hated it. Currituck just doesn't feel like home anymore. I want to get out and do something else. I don't want to go too far away, because all of my friends are in that area, but I want a permanent out. Not really sure yet what life is going to bring once this summer is over, but I'm working on it and I'm ready to see God make some big changes in it.

NeglectNeglectNeglect (again)

I'm bad about neglecting my regular posts...shame shame. Although funny enough, the last time I posted was about a week 1/2 ago and yet I feel like it's been 3 or 4. School is somewhat over, although I have a few online things to finish up, yuck. In a little over a week, I leave for my first two weeks of camp. I'm excited, but I'm kinda dreading it at the same time. As much as I hate some aspects of summer on the obx like traffic, I overall love it. I love the relaxed lifestyle. I love being right down the road from the beach. I love watching the sunset from run hill or just from my backyard. I love living on the sound and hearing the water hit the bulkhead at night. I love the constant sting of saltwater that hits your skin whenever you walk outside. I could go on and on...summertime on the obx is just different and I am so grateful for that. On top of that, I won't get to be with some of the people I love most as much as I am used to. I have lived with my best friend, Olivia, since last summer and have gotten used to seeing her on a regular basis even when she was at school. I was looking forward to being in the same house again all summer, spending our days off at the beach, doing random late night trips to get ice cream, having lots of girl time when we need it, and all that. Granted, we are staying alone at my old house for the next week until I got to camp for my first 2, then another 3 weeks until I go for the rest of the summer...but I'm not sure what either of us are going to do once I leave that second time. We understand what we like girl time to be. We're not like most girls that obsess over boys and act completely stupid...we have our moments, but overall we're not like that and so girl time for us doesn't consist of that like it does most girls. Then there's my brother and sister. I've had the opportunity to finally get to be around them a good amount the past two months after hardly being around for a year and 1/2...I love them. We have been through things that only we can understand with each other and it has given us a bond that a lot of siblings don't have. Nick is truly my very best friend. Katie was too young to remember or understand a lot of the stuff that went down between my parents so she doesn't have as much of a bond as me and Nick do. All the same, I'm going to miss both of them a good deal while I'm gone. There's a few other people I will miss greatly, but those 3 are at the top of my list.

All that aside though, I really am excited for camp. I don't really know what to expect, so I can't make a list of specifics I am excited for other than opportunities that I don't think I'd have if I stayed on the obx. Pray for me this summer that I don't get too homesick and that things really do go well!

Oh how I hate the final week of classes

This week is going to be so crazy busy. Ah I have so much to do it's insane...I have to present a spanish project on Wednesday that I finished up today, do a humanities project tomorrow that I also present on Wednesday, a humanities take home exam that consists of 5 essays, a microeconomics test and exam, international relations weekly discussion posts, international relations essay and test, and get ready for a spanish exam. Needless to say, I'm ready for this semester to be over!

I'm so excited for all the possibilities this summer contains...me and Olivia are staying on our own all of May because my cousin asked me to house sit for her and I might be spending the rest of the summer in Va at Camp Rudolph. My goal is to find someone to teach me to play guitar so I can at least get a good start with it by the end of the summer and I really hope that happens. It feels like there's other things I'm excited for but I'm exhausted, so I'll just make this another short weekly update and say goodnight!

Short update

I kinda neglected my regular posting there for a little bit, time to get back on the ball! I spent my spring break in Cheraw, S.C. It was a lot of fun...we were in this campground that was on a lake. We basically just chilled out around there, did some biking/hiking and went canoeing. We did go out to Carowinds one day which was tons of fun and then went to have dinner with some old family friends that live nearby. The whole trip was just very relaxing and it was great getting to spend a week of quality time with my little brother and sister. Getting back into the swing of things as far as work and school go when I got back was definitely not an easy task that's for sure. I'm not looking forward to the next couple of weeks either...I have so many projects to get done and I need to really make sure my grades are good. The end of this semester is going to determine a lot of where I'm going to be at afterwards...I have a huge decision sitting in front of me and I'm really praying on it hard.

That's all for tonight...this next week is going to be intense, I'm working so much and trying to get 2 big projects done for school...I'm not looking forward to the craziness that is going to begin once I wake up tomorrow.

Random "life is pretty grand" post

I figured it was probably time for another random small update, so here it goes :)I spent the night at MACU last night...best night I've had in a long time. I watched a pretty epic rubber band battle..it was so crazy haha. There's a video of it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3z1o4WLhJw and if you look at the rest of my videos, there's a second one of it too. It was so crazy and hilarious...

I am soooo ready for next week. I'm leaving Sunday with family and heading down to Cheraw, South Carolina and staying at a camp ground until Friday morning. We're not doing anything special, just hanging out there, maybe doing some golfing, biking, and hanging out at the lake that the camp ground is on...but it'll be nice to just spend a few days away from here and not having anything that needs to be done. anddddd...being the nerd that I am, I checked the weather for down there. Hello nice glorious warm weather, thank you for making an appearance in my life again :) Mon: 87 degrees, Tues: 89, Wed: 83, Thurs: 79 with thunderstorms booo...but yayyy Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I can't wait!

Work has been exceptionally lame lately...tourists annoy me so much haha. I need to find something else soon...hopefully when I get back from SC. I'm just flat out tired of HT and I'm so ready for something new.

Easter is Sunday! Man, I miss being little and getting Easter baskets. My parents were so into it...although best Easter gift, hands down, was when my older brother gave me a baby duck. haha it was great! Butttt that's not really the point of Easter. The actual reason for Easter is pretty much amazing. Let's remember that on Sunday and praise God for it.

Hmmm...not sure what else to add in other than I am exhausted and I think it is time I let some sleep make it's way into my life! I know my last post was all depressing and I'll probably end up deleting it soon b.c it makes me vulnerable which I hate, but regardless, life is pretty grand even when things are rough. Goodnight and Happy Easter! :)

Prayers, please.

I'm not normally a fan of writing blogs where I complain, but tonight I really feel like I should.

This past year has been exceedingly rough on me and there have been numerous times where it has been worse than others and I've just broken down and cried my eyes out, for the exact same reason as every other time. I'm saying this because last night was one of those nights. It was weird how my thought process got to that point but basically it went like this:

I got to my dad's house where he had dinner made for me. I was so grateful because I hadn't eaten hardly anything all day and my head was hurting from being so hungry. I love my dad's cooking and last night's dinner of ham and mashed potatoes was no different and neither was the milkshake he made me afterwards. Nothing can compare to the food you grow up eating, so while I enjoy other people's cooking, my dad beats all. After I went to bed, I started thinking about that and how that was one of the few things I miss about living with my parents, the general comfort level in familiar things like food...that's where it all spiraled down. I've been having a lot of financial issues the past couple of weeks and it's been really stressful. So my thought process went from how nice it would be to have been able to continue living with my parents and have the normal come home and have dinner with the family and tell them about your day kinda deal to wow, it would be nice if my parents hadn't been so screwed up and I could still live with them because my life would be so much easier that way. I wouldn't have to worry so much about how I'm going to pay the few bills I have right now because they'd be things my parents would help take care of. I wouldn't have to worry about being a burden on the people I stay with or being in their way because those people would be my parents and they'd love me unconditionally. Really, that's all I want. The normal home with unconditional love from my parents. To be able to come home and tell them about my day and have a nice dinner and know that if I'm struggling with something, they can help. I just feel like if I had that, the weight I carry around on a daily basis would be significantly lighter. I wouldn't feel like if I made one tiny misstep, I'd screw up my whole life like I do now.

The past 6 1/2 years that I haven't lived with them, I've had a really positive outlook on it. I know that the whole situation has shaped my personality in ways that I am proud of. I've always been one, that when people hear about what happened and give me the pity reaction, to tell them that if it had to happen to anyone, I'm glad it was me. It's not to a response either, for the most part I completely believe it...but in the past year there have been many times where I just cry so hard and wonder why my life couldn't be normal.

Right now, I just need lots of prayers. I don't know where my life is headed and that's not a good thing. I need to get out of this rut I've been in since last summer because this amount of stress and anxiety cannot be good. I need to find my place, where I don't feel like a burden, and I need it to happen soon.

This past weekend I got to go out of town to Kernersville to spend some time with two of my best friends, Ryan and Meghan. It was an absolutely amazing weekend. Here's a summary of what went down...

Friday: Me, Ryan, and his dad decided to go out to Stone Mountain. This was my first time ever climbing and it was not what I expected. While we did spend some time walking along a trail through the woods, we also did a good amount of climbing up this wall of granite. It was amazing, but so hard. I definitely realized just how out of shape I am. Once we got up to the summit we hung out for a little bit and then began trying to find the waterfall there. The waterfall was absolutely amazing! Ryan and I climbed up along the side of it so that we could walk out to a dry spot somewhat in the middle...it was so cool and so much fun! After that we made our way back to the car and went to dinner, then I went to Meghan's house for the night.

Saturday: Meghan had to get up early for work, so I didn't get to spend the day with her then either. Once I got up, I waited for Ryan to come pick me up. We then went back to his house and waited for his sister, Angela; his brother in-law, Brian; and his friend, Eric. Once they got there, all of us, including his dad, left for Hanging Rock. When I had woken up that morning my legs were sore, so I was really hoping we wouldn't do a whole lot of climbing, but I was completely wrong. I think we actually did more than the day before. We walked up this trail that came out to a watch tower and a pretty cool area of rock that me, Ryan, Eric, and Brian climbed out on. After hanging out there for a little while, we all made our way back and then headed over to the lower cascades. The waterfall there was so pretty! We all did our own little exploring of the area, which was a lot of fun. Ryan, Eric, and Brian ended up climbing up the side of the falls, going across, and climbing out to this ledge above it. When they got back and told me where they had been, I knew I really wanted to go. I convinced Eric and Ryan to go back up with me, but I had no idea what I was getting into. We walk up a little bit through the woods and then get to this part that was nothing but a vertical wall of rock and they tell me I have to free climb up it. Now, I've climbed numerous fake rock walls at the Y and I'm pretty good at it, but there you have the comfort of knowing you have a harness and there's normally a mat below you. Here, we had to do basically the same thing just without a harness and if you fall, there's no mat below you...just a long hard fall down. I was terrified and stood there for a few minutes trying to tell them there was no way I could do that while they kept telling me I could. I don't know what came over me, but I eventually was just like FINE and started climbing it. I slipped once which freaked me the heck out, naturally ha, but I did make it. And of course, Ryan decides to tell me afterwards, "for your second day climbing, you really shouldn't have attempted that." I was shaking for the longest time afterwards and it didn't help that there were parts of the rest of the climb to the ledge that you really had to be careful on...if you missed a step, you'd pretty much fall to your death. But we did get there and it really was worth the experience and story. After that, we headed back down and out to the car to go home. That night I went to downtown Winston-Salem with Meghan and her boyfriend, Chris, for dinner. We ended up at Foothills Brewery surrounded by a ton of drunk people screaming at the Wake Forest game on T.V. One of Chris's friends, who's name I really cannot remember, met us there for dinner and afterwards we all walked around until about 11. Downtown Winston is def an interesting place to walk around in at night, that's for sure. We then headed back home, where me and Meghan crashed.

Sunday: I was so exhausted the next morning that I skipped church...first Sunday in probably about 8 months that I haven't been to church, weird. I got up a little later and got ready to make the trip back with Ryan. Once we got back to MACU, it was like getting back to reality. That night was filled with so much drama from so many directions it was insane. But once I got home after class Monday night, life started to calm down and so far my week has been good.

This will probably be my only post for the next few days, but I'm still trying to keep it a regular thing. I'm so stoked for spring break because there's a good chance I will be spending Sunday-Friday morning RVing somewhere, probably S.C., with the younger siblings and my cousin; and then I'm being a sponsor for two girls for Oasis at MACU Friday-Sunday. It's going to be awesome.

Begin the more regular posts...

I've been thinking a lot lately about attempting to post on here more regularly with stuff just about what I've been up to that week, any exciting things coming up, or even just a simple picture...just something that I can consistently update on here.

So this week has been a little strange thus far. Sunday was horrible in a lot of ways. I was incredibly stressed out all day, it was just one thing after another coming up...like once one thing got worked out and I felt like I could sit back and breath, another thing surfaced and it was like that literally from about an hour after I got up until probably about an hour before I went to bed. The really bad stuff didn't happen until that night though, the most major thing being something that I can't be specific about, but made me feel like I had been lied to and that I didn't know a certain friend as well as I thought I did. It ended up being on my mind constantly for the next couple of hours and infuriated me so much that I had this overwhelming feeling to find a punching bag and go crazy, cry, and scream as loud as I could...and of course the overload of emotion led me to feeling like I was going to throw up as well. Of course, I was just being a typical girl and reacting without thinking and getting way too emotional which I now feel slightly ashamed of...but the next day I was able to calm down and once I did, I realized what had actually happened and the situation wasn't bad at all. The sad thing is, even though there was nothing wrong with it at all, the way I initially portrayed it has shaken my confidence in that person quite terribly and I haven't been able to fix it yet. I guess time is always a factor in healing though, so I'm hoping with time my confidence will be restored.

I also spent a good deal of time last night researching some "out of the box" summer job ideas. While I will probably do some normal job around here this summer b.c of time constraints and financial needs, I am hoping to find either an internship or job in a different state for next summer. I was looking into jobs that expect most people to be out of state so they provide living arrangements. I really did a lot of research into the big florida theme parks like disney and seaworld and I'm putting a lot of thought into doing the Disney College Program which would have me living there and taking classes through them for a semester while working in the parks. I just think it'd be really cool to have the experience of living there for a semester and it would look good on a resume. I'm also looking into some kind of student job on a cruise ship so that I could spend the summer working abroad, but so far I have had no such luck.

That's really the two most pressing things that have been on my mind the past few days. I've got classes tomorrow, work all day Thursday, then choir practice, then heading to Ecity to meet Ryan and driving overnight out to Kernersville (a little town between Greensboro and Winston-Salem) to spend the weekend with him and Meghan...so excited to be getting out of town for the weekend!

Looking for Angels

In case you don't know me very well, you should know before reading this that I have this obsession with song lyrics. I love the poetry of them, the way the music sounds behind them, and the way they can just make any situation make a little bit more sense than before. I wish I had the creativeness in me to write songs, because I would love to be able to pour my soul out into a few lines of lyrics and help someone else make sense of the world.

I've known the following song for quite some time now...it's a song in which most of the words are actually spoken and only the chorus is sang, but the lyrics are powerful and eye opening. I listened to it today and knew immediately that I had to put part of it in a blog.

Looking for Angels--Skillet

"So many nations with so many hungry people
So many homeless scrounging around for dirty needles
On the rise, teen suicide, when we will realize
we've been desensitized by the lies of the world
We're oppressed and impressed by the greedy
Whose hands squeeze the life out of the needy
When will we learn that wars, threats, and regrets are the cause and effect of living in fear
Who can help protect the innocence of our children
Stolen on the internet with images they can't forget
(We want it we want
We want a reason to live)
We represent a generation that wants to turn back a nation
To let love be our light and salvation
(We need it we need
We need more than this)
I became a savior to some kids I'll never meet
Sent a check in the mail to buy them something to eat
What will you do to make a difference, to make a change?
What will you do to help someone along the way?
Just a touch, a smile as you turn the other cheek
Pray for your enemies, humble yourself, love's staring back at me
In the midst of the most painful faces
Angels show up in the strangest of places."

I know my blogs have pretty much thus far run the same general theme of making a difference in the world, doing something to help out those in need, etc...this one will be no different, I guess it's just a huge thing in my life that I feel the need to write about.

How many people do you pass by each day that are hurting? How many of your friends are hurting? Better yet, how many of those do you actually know about? Do you know how I am hurting right now? Do I know how you're hurting? We all, myself included, could take more time than we already do to reach out and help those around us; our friends, family, and even complete strangers. If we all did what we could to help each other out I guarantee the world would be a place with a lot less pain than when we are just focused on ourselves.

So now I want to know, what is it that is causing you to hurt? What can I help you out with and pray about for you? Comment on here, send me a message on facebook, text me, call me, however you want to get up with me...we'll talk and I'll do what I can, even if it just means lending a listening ear to some venting...Just let me know and I'm down.

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"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”--Acts 20:35

Are You Stepping Up to the Challenge?

I felt the need to blog tonight, I'm not real sure why, but I think I will use this opportunity to give an update of my life. Life has been quite crazy for me the past few months and thankfully things are starting to look up. I've been down about a lot of things, being at COA and not liking my job, not really having much of a social life, etc. I've just been in this constant state of feeling stuck and really hating that. I've always had a goal that I've been working towards and moving forward with, and while I'm doing that with the intention of going back to MACU, I still can't shake the feeling. But, as I said, things are finally starting to look up and I'm starting to come out of this depression I've been in. It's starting to get close to summer time, which means finding a better suited job on the outer banks which I'm very much looking forward to. I finally joined the church choir which has impacted me greatly....singing is my passion and it really is the highlight of my week to go to practice and be able to put that talent to use. I also was asked to sing for the sunday night worship band, which I am considering. While it would be an amazing opportunity, I'm not sure if I can commit to it right now. I'm also looking into volunteer opportunities, possibly at a local women's shelter again, but hopefully through the guardian ad litem program. Doing that means that I will represent children who are going through life situations that are often times similar to what I went through. I'm really praying that will come through, but I'm unsure if it will right now simply because of my age. I also sometime in the future want to start some form of church ministry that ministers to people who have experience with bad home situations. I think it would be amazing to have an outreach program that lets them know they aren't alone.

I know it all sounds like so much and I don't plan on doing it all at once, but I have big dreams to make an impact on the world and I want to start on those NOW. God has given me this amazing outlook on my past experiences and I need to use that to better others lives. This is the thing that gives me hope and makes me push past all the disappointments of the past year and continue going. At the risk of sounding conceded, I am meant to do great things. I may not end up famous for them, nor do I really want to, but I will do great things to impact the lives of whoever I can reach and to better the kingdom of God. I'm stepping up to the challenge God is giving me, so now ask yourself....are you?