To help raise awareness.

I kinda feel hesitant on posting this, but I'm hoping people read it. Many of the things I am about to say are so personal...and not just personal, but depressing and sad, but it's an issue that needs to be spoken about more and that people need to understand more.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

On July 19, 1990, Martha Phillips gave birth to her first child, a small baby girl. The baby's father was Buddy Twiford, whom Martha had only been dating a short time before she became pregnant with his daughter. He had been married once before and had three children with his wife, then had another son only a year before with another woman, and now had his 5th child with yet another woman. Their relationship together was good at first, they lived in a little farm house in Virginia and worked together to raise their little girl. As a few years went by though their relationship became strained as Buddy started to show his tendency to be angry more and more. They both were involved with drugs and alcohol abuse, but it became worse. He started to become violent towards Martha, getting drunk and then finding any excuse to become angry and hit her. Martha left him during the winter of 1995 to live with her mother and then in March of 1996 gave birth to their second child, a son named Nicholas. That summer Buddy convinced Martha to move to Currituck and live with him so he could help raise his two children. A year later they moved to Norfolk, where they would end up spending the next 6 years. The abuse was there, but not very often. Buddy didn't hold a steady job and he didn't let Martha have a job, due to the fact that he would get jealous thinking that she was cheating on him with her coworkers. The only way they could afford food and other necessities was because of Martha's mother. In March of 1998 they had their 3rd child, Katie Phillips. A few years later Martha's mother had a stroke and was put into a nursing home. She could no longer help take care of Martha and her family financially, causing the family to struggle with food needs, clothing needs, and paying important bills. They often got their electricity and their water cut off, had to depend on the kindness of neighbors to buy food, and only got clothing through free hand me downs from friends. As the stress became greater the abuse became worse, occuring almost daily.
Eventually family realized they needed to step in and get the children away from their parents. 13 years after having her first child, Martha watched all three be taken away from her and then their father leave her to be with another woman.
--------------------------------------------------------------
That is basically the story of my life. Now, I'm 18 years old and in Bible College. I spend my Tuesday afternoons volunteering at a women's shelter nearby and it's had so much of an effect on me. There are women in there who traveled from other counties to hide there from their abuser, scared for their lives. My mom never had to worry about that. Yes, my dad hurt her, but it was rare that she'd have bruises or anything. Once she had to go to the doctor after he shoved her and she landed against the corner of the fridge, resulting in her chipping off a peice of a bone in her knee, but it was rare that she ever showed any visible proof of abuse. Yet, when I was younger, I would be so scared that while my parents were in the kitchen and my dad was in "one of his moods" that he would just snap and grab a knife...or when he would be screaming at her to get out of his house that he would do more than just push her out the door, but actually push her down the stairs(you had to go up a set of about 15 steps to get to our front door). My dad was violent, but not as bad as some can be, yet I was scared to death of this happening. I can only imagine how the kids who have to watch much worse happen to their mothers feel. The ones who have seen their dads do things that are so much worse than what my dad did to my mom. I see some of the woman in there and yeah, some of them look like what the stereotype would describe, but some of them look like normal everyday women that I would see just in the mall or somewhere and never think twice. It kind of shocked me and made me realize there are so many people that I come in contact to everyday that may look like they have such a normal life, but you never know what goes on in their homes.
It just sickens me to hear people say stuff like the women probably did something to deserve the abuse, it takes two to have an argument, or well they're too dumb to leave so its their own fault. No woman ever, EVER, deserves to be hurt. An argument is one thing and yes it does take two for that, but I've had many arguments before without them turning violent. And for the people that say they should just leave, its not that easy. I can almost guarentee you that no man has ever abused a woman without being pretty sure that the woman is dependant on him. Then when the abuse starts it's like they are trapped. They have no where to go, because their whole life has become dependent on one person, their abuser. And there's the women who are threatened. Their abuser can say they will find them and kill them or do the same to a family member. What would you do if you were being abused and your abuser said, "if you leave or tell anyone, ill kill you/someone your close to." Would you still leave if he said he'd kill your parents and then come find you? Chances are you'd stay and endure the abuse.
Another thing that sickens me are the people who know its happening and do nothing about it. We lived within close enough proximity to my neighbors that they HAD to have known what was going on, yet they never did anything to help. There were so many people in my family that knew, yet never stepped up and tried to put an end to it. People just sit there and say "not my problem" while other people are being hurt. Women die everyday from abuse...how many of these women had neighbors, friends, or family who knew the abuse was going on, but took on an ignorant attitude? How many women could be spared so much pain or even their life if someone had just spoken up for them?
I think this is getting long enough...and I'll seriously be surprised if anyone reads it, but I felt compelled to post it. I want to continue to help raise awareness for domestic violence and hopefully help put a stop to it. That is my reasoning behind posting this, to raise awareness...I hope it succeeds.

Such a simple task that God lays before me...

So I just started this thing...I'm not sure yet whether or not I'll actually add my friends so they can reguarly read it or not. The only reason I'm thinking possibly not is because I might want to post more private things on here that I wouldn't necessarily want my friends to be reading, but need to just get out. Hm, but that sounds kind of stupid since this is the internet. We shall see...

I read this book called Mistaken Identity. It was absolutely amazing...so much so that I started it last night and have been so into it that I've been reading practically all day and just finished it a few moments ago. For anybody who hasn't heard of it, it tells the story of how Whitney Cerak and Laura Van Ryn were mistaken for each other after a tragic car accident that killed five people, including Laura Van Ryn. Whitney Cerak is one of the only survivors, but is mistaken to be Laura and for the first five weeks following the accident Whitney's family deals with losing their daughter while the Van Ryn's spend every day in the hospital watching who they think to be their daughter fight for her life. Eventually it is discoved that it is in fact Whitney who survived and Laura is the one that was buried in Whitney's grave. The families of the two girls wrote the book as a way to show how God worked in their lives through such a tragic time.

It inspired me so incredibly much. Both families, after hearing they had lost their daughter, continued to praise God, maybe even more so. I worry that if I were to ever lose a family member that I am so close to I might not have that some passionate faith they did. I sincerely hope and believe that I will still think of Christ as my savior and try to maintain a relationship with Him, but I don't know if I could possibly spend two hours in prayer and worship time with God each day. I don't even do that now...could I do that when I'm hurting so much and wondering why God took that person from me? The faith these families had and the love for God just makes me feel so lacking in my relationship with Him.

It's kinda weird, but just from reading this book, I feel so connected to these people. I want to meet them. I want to talk to them about God and to sit and pray with them, sing songs of worship with them. Just reading about their lives and how they faced all this by leaning on God to give them strength inspires me so much. It makes me want to just walk outside the walls of this dorm and stand by the river and sing my heart out to Him. It makes me just want to sit and pray and conversate with God.

He is my creator, my savior, my love. He gave me everything I have, from my wordly posessions to the very breath in my lungs. He gave me EVERYTHING. Jesus Christ came to this world to be criticised and put down and then eventually tortured and beaten and hung on a cross, to die so I can one day sit next to him in heaven. He did that for ME. He did that for YOU. When I think about all this, it amazes me how selfish humans, including myself, can be. So often I sit down to meals and just don't feel like taking the time to pray. It's ridiculous...Jesus did all of this for me, yet I can't do something so simple? It hits me when I think about all this, "Wow...Jesus did all this for me. He gave me everything, including his own life, so I could be truly free. Why is it that I can't seem to lay down everything I have right down at his feet and say 'You gave this to me, but it truly belongs to you. Take everything I have, including my own life, and use it according to your will.' It's so simple, yet I make it so hard."

Ephesians 2:8-10--"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."